Yeah, I Wish…

I wish I was here to tell you that I am back to working out. Fact is that I doubt the folks at the gym would recognize me. Yeah, it has been that long. I still have a small desire to make my goal of 200 workouts this year. I haven’t looked at the math to see if it is still possible – but I do like finishing what I start.

The person who started out doing this with me is in the same boat. It looks like Renee and Allan and Trish have sort of drifted from their goals, too. Perhaps this isn’t a sign of failure, though. Perhaps it is a normal part of life. When I set my goal to work out 200 times this year, it was with the idea that it would take that to get back into my summer clothing. Well, I actually reached that goal in 75 workouts. Does that mean that I never need to work out, again? Of course not! But it does mean that my focus has shifted.

Brenna perfectly illustrates this point. Does she want to be physically strong? Absolutely. But she wants to be a mommy more right now. So, her focus has shifted. That’s not to say that a couple months after those babies (yes more than one) are born that her focus won’t readjust. But growing babies is a big job – and sort of requires that you give up the goal of fitting into anything smaller than a circus tent – at least in the short term.

So, am I struggling with finding the motivation to get to the gym? Absolutely. Am I freaked out about it? Can’t say that I am. I will say that I need to fit some fitness into my life.

My real struggle is with making room for all of the things I need to do along with the stuff I want to do. When working out was a want, I was motivated to work it into my daily routine. Now that it is a need, and not my heart’s desire I am a little (okay, a lot) less likely to squeeze it in. This portion of the challenge is to find a way to remain motivated to do things that aren’t at the very top of my to do list.

Yikes. This stuff just gets harder and harder!

Not Nearly Enough…

Yeah, I went to the gym. On Monday. It isn’t just the fact that I am falling behind on my goals. It isn’t that my weight loss is slow going without the workouts. It is the fact that I am tired and unmotivated and sluggish and depressed when I don’t get to the gym. Physical activity (or lack thereof) has a direct impact on my spirits. Given that I am going through one of the hardest transitions of my life, I am not at all surprised that I am feeling a down, but I really do need to take better care of myself.

Having said all of that, I can report another half pound has gone missing from my rear. Yup. I am down to 150.5 lbs and 1.5 pounds from goal. I toyed with the idea of buying myself a super-huge MP3 player as a reward for hitting my goal weight, but looks like I am giving myself a new life instead.

Oh, and for all you race fans, here is the latest result in my efforts to move the car:

Eight to Go…

Pounds, that is. Getting this close to goal is a little scary. Right now, I am really focused on seeing 149 lbs on the scale. But what happens when I get there? Do I keep going? If so, how far? Will I maintain my new weight or lose motivation and end up back in pushing 200 land?

I realize that mine isn’t a unique struggle. Well, and that is what makes it both easier and more difficult. Easier because I am not alone. More difficult because I have all of the statistics flying around in my head – and I don’t want to be among the 95% of dieters who regain the weight.

I know a big part of the battle is getting into the habit of being healthy – and not just dieting to lose weight. I am trying to keep that focus by setting the 200 workouts goal. Of course, going whole weeks without working out isn’t the way to meet that goal. I also know that beating myself up for not working out isn’t healthy, either.

With all that said, 157 lbs feels great! Wearing size 10 jeans feels fabulous! I am enjoying the rewards of my 4 months of fitness. So, let’s celebrate my half-pound loss by moving the car!



Yup. I finally saw something other than 159 lbs on the blasted scale this morning. Actually, the first 26 times I stood on it I saw 157.5. I must have swollen with pride because when I went back a few minutes later to re-verify the amazing new number the scale wouldn’t budge off of 158.5. What the… So, I am going to count the 158.5 lbs as my official new weight, and send lots of tributes to the scale gods in hopes that the lower number will return very soon. In the meantime, here is the car for your viewing pleasure:

Today is the last day of the month (“No, kidding?” you say.) and one of the two times a month that I do measurements for the body fat percentage. According to the fat gods, I have gained a pound of lean mass and lost two pounds of fat in the last two weeks. Thus the stall out on the scale. My body fat is down to about 27% which puts me about 5% above my goal. So, even though the scale is being a bit (okay, very) stubborn, I am seeing progress elsewhere.

Oh, and since this supposed to be a fitness blog (you know, including such things as working out) I should tell you that workouts 66/200 and 67/200 are in the bag. 66 consisted of a very long (4 hour) walk. 67 was completed via an hour of lap swimming. Still no joy on my elliptical buddy, but I am holding out hope that I won’t have to replace my hip before I can use it, again.

And So It Goes…

And goes, and goes! Another half of a pound vanished overnight to put the scale solidly on 159 this morning. So, yes, race fans, it is time to move the car!

As I get closer to my goal weight, I am working hard to ignore the failure voices that keep trying to pop into my head. They say things like, “The last 10 pounds are always the hardest.” They threaten me with, “You will never keep it off. No one does.” And then there is the always-encouraging, “Just because you have lost 30/40/50 pounds doesn’t mean you will ever be happy.” These thoughts are the real hurdles to my health. Sure, I keep track of every calorie, work out regularly, and continue to make progress, but the true MegaChallenge is improving my mental health. Unless I work toward being my genuine self, find my bliss, discover balance, or ________ (enter your mental health mantra here), no amount of weight loss is going to make me a happier person. My happiness should not ride on whether I am able to run 26.2 miles or fit into a size 10.

The MegaChallenge started with a rather flippant comment, but it highlighted a reality: that my dreams are achievable if I set goals and work toward them. I have wanted to be fit for years and just kept putting it off. When I was whining that my clothes woudln’t fit and that it would take 200 workouts to get into them I didn’t really expect to do those 200 workouts, and here I am with 61 of them behind me. Having someone take me seriously and say, “Do them!” is what finally got me off my ass.

Taking a hard look at the reality of what it will take to get me where I want to be and then setting out to get there is something I am getting better at doing. I returned to finish my degree in a similar fashion. Not finishing college had been hanging over my head for more than a decade, but I kept only half-planning to do something about it. I mentioned it a bunch but it wasn’t until I said it to someone who took me seriously that I was able to actually put a plan into action. I am scheduled to finish classes next June. I am 9 months away from completing something that I beat myself up over for 10 years!

I am certain that there are other dreams that I need to turn into goals. Thank goodness I am finally healthy enough to seek out positive, supportive people. They tend to be the same people who give me those nudges to seek my bliss. It may seem like a small thing, but it is a huge change from my history of seeking out folks who live to put me down. Like eating sleeves of Oreos, it was a “comfortable” way of living for years, but not a healthy one.

So, now I am faced with a deeper MegaChallenge and I have to wonder if there is anything I can do 200 times in order to achieve mental health. Nudges happily accepted.

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