Blissification

As I sat here thinking about self care in preparation for this Self Care Day on the 6th (SCDOT6) post, I began to think about how pervasive the lack of it is. Sure, there are folks who are really good at it, but most of us just aren’t. We make attempts from time to time — you know, on those days you can almost justify being nice to yourself. Birthdays anyone? — but even feel a little guilty for that.

It’s so bad that I know folks who will make fun stuff sound like a chore just so that they don’t have to feel selfish for enjoying something.

“Oh, how I would love to help you feed the homeless tomorrow but I just must <sigh> take Mother to the movies. She’s been hounding me for weeks and I would rather die <sigh> than go, but well… <back of hand placed on forehead> you know Mother.”

No. What I know is that you love to go to the movies and would rather be there than anywhere, but you’ve somehow bought into the “if it ain’t painful, it ain’t valuable” value system that pervades our planet.

Well, enough is enough. Why spend so much energy justifying something we want to do with all of this drama? It’s like baking a cake and icing it with toothpaste. “See there. It isn’t a cake. It’s a decay preventive dentifrice!”

I call bull.

So, what is it that you are wanting to do — or actually doing — but aren’t allowing yourself to enjoy?

Me?

Crochet.

I love to crochet. I love yarn. I love making blankets and pillows and scarves and wraps. Love it.

For years I’ve made objects and given them away because, well, if you’re making something for someone else it has value. It’s on purpose! It’s necessary! It’s — wait for it — work! And, boy have I worked at crochet. My handmade dodads are all over the country, and maybe the world. I never charge for them (Gasp! Pay me for this little handcrafted nothing? What a crazy notion!) and I barely acknowledge the gratitude expressed by the recipient. You can’t steal my suffering by liking the product of it!

So, I did something massively radical. When I started my latest project, rather than identifying someone in desperate need of a crocheted item or justifying it as a birthday/Mother’s Day/Groundhog Day gift, I decided to make something for my own studio. Actually, I’m making multiple items. It’s a whole collection of crocheted goodness. I still get a little shaky just thinking about it, but it’s pretty amazing stuff. I’ve decided, at the very least, to make an afghan and two pillows. I may make a room-full of items before I’m finished. I’m using very intricate patterns with tedious stitches that take a lot of concentration. I’m using 9 colors of yarn.  It’s taking lots of time and I’m obsessed with working on the pieces.

Crochet is absolutely part of my self care — carrying around my gorgeous basket of yarn, adding stitches when I get (or take or make) moments through the day — and it’s my intention to allow that to be enough. Previously I’ve justified the expense and time by pointing to the utility of the product. My goal is to enjoy the act of creation, the selection of colors, the feel of the yarn, the rhythm of the stitches as an end unto themselves.

So, what are you sighing and gnashing about that you actually, secretly enjoy? Could you enjoy it more if you allowed yourself to acknowledge how much you love doing it?

Sometimes the days are so full that you don’t think you have time to do any self care.

Well, my friend, those are the days when some self care should be a mandatory practice. Doctor’s orders mandatory. God says so mandatory. Soul sustaining mandatory.

If I could go into the religious tenets of the world and make one little tweak, it would be to balance the message of suffering and sacrifice with the reality of our need for sustenance and nurturing.

Joyce Rupp wrote something in a book that I read as a new mom that I’ve carried and quoted for years and years.

 You cannot pour from an empty cup.

– Joyce Rupp, The Cup of our Comfort

We all have different soul-sustenance needs. If you can’t pause to hear your own breath, and refill that cup of yours, how on earth will you ever be able to do all of those things you’ve packed into those full days.

You can’t.

You may pretend you can. You may even fake your way through it for a long time. But at some point, you will hit that massive wall and your soul will say, “Enough!” It might look like an illness or getting fired from your job or a car crash or some other “inconvenience” that stops you in your tracks.

So, here’s your permission slip to take a moment, take that breath, and listen to what your soul and body need in order to continue offering the world your excellent, loving, giving self.

As we celebrate the 6th month of our Self Care Day, I have to admit that I truly look forward to these planned, set aside, on purpose reminders to remember to tend to my own health and happiness. My tendency to pressure myself to execute every idea perfectly is still lurking in my head, but I’m even getting better at saying, “Shhhh. It’s self care! That means it’s okay to do what I think nurtures me even if it doesn’t seem monumental!”

Even so, I’m still one to track progress. I’ve noticed several shifts over this past 6 months.

I’m crafting more.  While I’ve always gone through phases of making stuff, I’ve really been on a tear since October. I designed and created all of our holiday gifts. I completely remade Great Grandma Emma May‘s afghan. I’ve even taken it a step further and allowed myself to purchase “nicer” materials and yarns. Ned Andrew encourages this and even purchased me a new fair trade African Market Basket for my crochet. This is a great development.

I’ve given up electronic games. When they first came out, the online games offered through Facebook were pretty simple. They required 5 minutes a day to send someone a karma token or a flower or a button with something funny on it. Then the Flash stuff showed up. I started out playing a game that allowed me to chat with my sisters while we performed click-based farming tasks. Then I got pulled into the Send-Me-A-Goat-Athon that just sucks time out of your day. I knew better than to have more than one of these going at any one time, but even that got to be too much. The behavioral psychologists who drive the programming of these games are borderline evil for the tricks they play on folks to keep them logged in. I know better, so I’ve walked away. Whew! It feels great!

I’ve switched doctors. It sounds simple enough, but this is a big deal for me. I’ll spend 1400 hours researching and interviewing a docs to find the right one for my kids. Not so much for myself. After 25 years of chronic healthcare fun, I’ve gotten kind of tired of telling my story and being poked. So, I’d rather hang on to the not-so-great doc that I kind of accidentally ended up with — the one I’d rather go to a walk-in clinic for pneumonia than call for help — than find an Internist and Rheumatologist who are partners in my self care. When I sat down and really thought about that reality, I started asking around and found a terrific Internist. I’m still shopping for a Rheumy that fits.

I’m happy that we’re homeschooling. This is obviously different from the previous reality: I was resigned to the fact that we needed to be homeschooling. There are still days when I’d love to hop in the car and meet a colleague for coffee without having to arrange logistics that rival a corporate takeover. But, I’m truly feeling delight way more than overwhelm these days.

I’m writing on paper. I know! What an indulgence! Honestly, the computer and all of my little tech-y devices have so infiltrated every waking hour that picking up a pen and a paper journal feels almost subversive. I’m also keeping lists on paper again — in spite of the 14 apps on my phone and tablet and computer that promise to keep me synced. I’ve had an electronic planner since Palm invaded our lives in the mid-90s and have never really solidly made the switch. Now I’m no longer apologizing for it.

So, how is it going? Are you giving yourself permission to pay attention to your own needs? Are you performing self exams? Are you pausing to do something creative? Are you napping?

I’d love to know!